Sunday 11 August 2013

Do's and Don'ts of Long...




1. DO take your Iphone, Android phone or Blackberry etc. to Long. So that you get drunk and have it stolen! Seriously DON'T do that, it will get stolen. Just take a cheaper phone!

2. DO spend your cab money! After all you only live once right?! Just remember It won't be as much fun when your stranded in Long the next morning waiting for a buddy to come get you.

3. DO NOT wear heels unless you where born in them! Or you can go all out, heels and all! Literally, break a leg! Club hopping in heels will have you walking like a newly born deer by the end of the night. But if you must, do what you want.

4. DO NOT speak to people in the other cubicle when you go to the bathroom. No good ending starts with "We met in the bathroom cubicles"!

5. DO get so drunk you forget these do's and don'ts and whatever you want, after all you are in Long...

Reasons the cab guy won't come...



1. Remember that time you got so hammered you throw up all over his back seat? Yeah, the cab guy does too. Since he spent the whole of the next day cleaning it out.

2. Remember another time where your guy friend thought it would be cool to steal money from his   cubby-hole (local South African word for a glove compartment in a car)? The cab guy remembers that too.

3. Or what about that time you didn't have cash to pay him when he dropped you off so you promised to pay when he picks you up but then you stiffed him of his cash. Yep, that also pissed the cab guy off.

4. Or the other time you told him to come get you but then you got high and forgot about him and he waited for you for an hour? That was probably the last straw. Poor guy is just trying to make a living and your wasting his time.

That's probably why your cab guy won't come. Time to search for a new one I guess.

How to never make it to Long....

1. Pre-Drinks.....


 






Seriously.... If you ever gotten so hammered you couldn't leave the house you know exactly what I     mean.



2. Take a quick nap before you leave...

That f'd up moment you wake you at 3:15 am with 9 missed calls.

3. Miss your flight....


  Been away from Cape Town for some time, so excited to get back and meet up with your friends and   you miss your flight and next available flight is tomorrow morning...sigh...

Cheer up! there's always next weekend...



Monday 17 June 2013

How to tell if you have bad luck..

Are you unsure if you suffer from occasional badluck on your nights out. Here's how you can tell...


1. If you get so drunk you lose your shoes, lose your friends, get bounced out of the club, forget where you parked your car, end up in a police station and have them call your dad who then decides to take the first flight into Cape Town... Then you know you have bad luck!

2. If you get sliced with a razor blade on your thigh and you have no idea when or when it happened and by whom... Then its evident you have bad luck.

3. If you get into an argument with some guys about parking and someone pulls out a taser... I would suggest you apologize quickly for "stealing" that persons parking and drive off quickly...Definite bad luck!

4. You keep losing your phone, wallet and mind occasionally!

5. You trip and fall in your little boob-tube dress, and the dress decides to get caught somewhere...and you have just flashed the entire club! Hard luck ey! 

6. If after a night out you crash at some random persons house and wake up the next afternoon with no way home. Chilling at Long Streets McDonalds on a Sunday afternoon still in yesterdays Freakum dress and hooker heels, with R6 rand in your purse, bank card is missing and your phones battery has died. LMFAO! All I can say is good luck on that train ride back home!

7. If you get so excited whilst twerking on the stage in the ''clurrrb" and you happen to sh*t yourself. *SMDH*. Sounds unbelievable right? (http://www.justcurious.co.za/2013/06/askies-tabisa/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=askies-tabisa). Poor girl.

8. If your ex is a nut and he/she waiting for you to exit the club with a police baton in their hand. Then you my dear have bad luck.

9. If a fight breaks out in the club and you happen to be standing nearby and get KO'd just to be dragged out of the club by the bouncers for being involved. Ultimate bad luck!

If by any chance any of these ever happen to you. I'm sorry to say you have some serous bad luck. My advice shrug it off and move on...Its just one of those things...



Thursday 16 May 2013

How to not approach a girl (Creepy ways in which guys approach girls)…



1.       The Stare.

I have no clue why guys do this but if you’re going to stare at a girl for 3 hours before approaching, best believe she has already sensed your beady eyes gawking at her ages ago. She will avoid you!!! She will avoid eye contact with you! She will avoid looking in your direction! She will even position herself in some little corner where you can’t see her. And eventually when your creepy self decides to come out of the shadows and say hello, a scene from Lord of the Rings will play in her head and the only words she will hear are “My Precious…”! She will run away and fast at that!

2.       The Grab.

Grab her arm, waist or neck and never let go! If she screams, punches you in the throat or kicks you in the gut; I repeat do not ever let go! -  I don’t think I need to explain why that move does not work, but for all those that don’t get why it won’t work… Girls will not speak to a guy who gives them the first impression of being a serial killer!

3.       The drunk.

Alcohol, the lovely liquid that gives men the guts to conquer the world… or so you think. Drunks are the worst. Every single girl in the world (if she is sober) will hate having to talk to a drunk! We just hate it! Maybe it’s the fact that you’re not making sense or that every time you say a word I am showered in spit or that you’re leaning in way too much. Whatever it is, your drunk self is unappealing. Anyone more irritating than you is your drunk wingman. You both suck! Go away!

4.       The Mute.

Well done, you have approached the girl and said hi! Now what?! Please do not stand there like a retard and repeat “you are so gorgeous” for the next ten minutes. Are those the only English words you know?! Please have something more to say than those few words or worse saying NOTHING! It’s creepy! She will walk away from the mute creep guaranteed!

5.       The Persistent.

Of all the ways to be annoying this is most probably the best.  If she has rejected you once, please gather yourself up and walk away with some kind of dignity! Do not! I repeat do not stand there looking at her like she owes you money. No, she is most probably not lying when she says “I’m not interested”, “I have a boyfriend” or “seriously, get away you creep”. She is not playing hard to get! She really isn't interested. Walk away and do it with dignity at that. Do not say snide remarks or mention that she wasn't your type anyways. You are not improving your position or gaining anything more from that. And if she grabs her best friend next to her and says they a lesbian couple, she’s not trying to fulfill one of your fantasies but at that moment she would rather lie about her sexuality than talk to you. Walk away. Walk away fast.


You really don't have to take my word for it, but i doubt this will work for any guy! Its just one of those things on Long...

Wednesday 6 March 2013

Festivals and such...

So lately I decided to give the nightclubs and lounges a break and go to more festivals and the likes...Cape Town seems to have been overflowing with such things in the past few months. So I thought I should share a little bit on 2 of the events I attended...

SWEDISH HOUSE MAFIA - One Last tour Concert...
I really had tons of fun at the SHM concert. Partly because I was ridiculously drunk and energized on Lovoka Caramel Vodka and Red Bull drinks; but also because of the atmosphere around us on that day at the Ostrich farm. At first I had my doubts about about the venue change, but the venue was perfect for such and event - A vast open veld with enough space for everyone to have a grand view of the stage. I dont remember the line-up exactly, but I did enjoy the sets by PASCAL & PEARCE, DJ FRESH and DEAN FUEL. Truly a once in a Lifetime event i will never forget... EPIC!!!!

CTEMF 2013 - Cape Town Electronic Festival 2013

This was a 3 day festival to celebrate Electronic music in Cape town. I being and avid lover of most forms of electronic music was super excited to attend day 3 (the Sunday) of the festival. If day 3 of the festival was anything compared to the previous 2 days it truly must have been a larger-than-life event. positioned by the V&A Waterbreak parking, it truly was a spectacular view of Table Mountain and the ocean view. I really loved the sets by DJ Lady M, Digging4Dodge, Pisce DJ, Terrance Pearce, Floyd Lavine and especially Black Coffee.
                     
With the Holi festival and Design Indaba that happened this past weekend, the Love and Light Day festival this coming weekend and the Cape Town Jazz festival coming soon, I am sure to post more on my experiences at such events...

"Make the most out of tonight and worry about it all tomorrow." - Unknown

Saturday 2 February 2013

The walk of shhhh….

I don’t have much experience when it comes to the walk of shame. But, I have had the unfortunate luck of accompanying one of my friends (she is an expert at walks of shame) on one occasion of these horrific trips. Before I even begin to rant, I should take some time to define what I mean by the walk of shame.  The walk of shame, according to me, is that embarrassing walk a person takes after spending the night at someone’s place. This doesn’t have to mean anything happened the night before. But it does mean that you had the bad luck of being seen by other people the next day in broad daylight still in last night’s attire and make-up smudged in on your face. So I am going to spend a little time explaining how impossible it his to do the walk of shame with any grace and dignity.

Waking up at 7h00 the morning with your friends’ feet in your face.  (Just great – Please Mind the sarcasm). An old woman, like 80 years old, asks if you would like some coffee. (What the f*ck?!! – please mind the French). “Yes, please I would love coffee”.  The old woman continues to make conversation. She even offers a towel and says the shower is open. “Thank you.” Still sleepy or hungover, which ever term you prefer, you try make efforts to call the cab guy. He asks where you are. “Shnap, I have no clue!” Okay so you have no clue where you are no problem your friend can help. “Yo! Dude! Where are we?! She mumbles underneath her breathe “In front of Clicks.” No use trying to get more out of her. Now you have to ask that old lady. Shnap. “Sorry ma’am, can I ask for the address of your residence”. She continues to tell you that there is soap and shampoo in the bathroom. Sigh.  I mean your not planning on staying there any longer. You want to leave as soon as possible. “No ma’am. The address of this place!!” Eventually she understands you and you get to send the address to the cab guy.

3 hours it takes for the cab guy to find the main road. 3 HOURS!!! You spend those three hours watching Origin of the planet of the apes and cartoons. But nothing could prepare you for what’s to come. The cab guy calls and says he cannot find the exact residence and we need to walk out into the main road. NOOOOOO!!! Not the main road. We are in Seapoint the streets are filled with people at this time!  So you gather what courage you have and walk out into that main road with your little dress, heels and smudged make-up. There we are walking to the garage were the cab guy is waiting. The embarrassment is paramount.  Absolutely paramount.

Apparently I was the only one fazed by this walk of shame. My friend who is used to crashing at random peoples houses was indifferent. I honestly am not a fan of such embarrassment. There is just no grace in spending half a day in last night’s attire. Call me a chicken or a coward. But I definitely do not have the guts to try that again.

Believe what you will. Its just one of those unfortunate events that have happened.

Friday 1 February 2013

10 ways to know….his a married man

This post is for all the single ladies who time and time again are fooled by married men into conversations or something more. I personally have not had the experience of dealing with a married man. But I have a friend who keeps running into them (as in every single weekend). So this post will be an account of her tips on how ladies can try to avoid the married men.

1.       If he drives a sedan (eg. Audi A4, Mercedes Kompressor, or any car with a visible boot).

2.       He has a protruding stomach that hangs over his freaking belt.

3.       He doesn't flinch at buying you and your friends drinks.  He waddles over “so what you girls drinking tonight”. All the girls give him their orders and he calmly responds “no problem…”

4.       He will make you feel like you’re the only girl in the world. I don’t know how to exactly explain this, but he is very skilled at convincing you that there is a possibility at a future.

5.       He shows you a picture of him and his wife and tells you it’s a picture of his “twin brother” and his wife (trust your instincts – cause I knew it didn't sound right).

6.       He outright tells you about his wife who is overseas and daughter who is starting university in 3 days.

7.       The only time you get a call from him is during weekday lunch time with his work number.

8.       When you call his phone you only get voice-mail and he only calls back sometime later.

9.       He never calls you back but when you do get a call it’s from his wife.

10.   HIS WEARING A RING ON HIS RING FINGER !! Ladies do not believe him when he says he is just wearing it for “control, so that girls don’t approach him” *LOL* (really this happened to me). That’s a definite undeniable sign his married!!!

So there you have it. This is her personal account of how to avoid the married man. You really don’t have to believe that this is true. Its just her bad luck on Long…