The walk of shhhh….

I don’t have much experience when it comes to the walk of shame. But, I have had the unfortunate luck of accompanying one of my friends (she is an expert at walks of shame) on one occasion of these horrific trips. Before I even begin to rant, I should take some time to define what I mean by the walk of shame.  The walk of shame, according to me, is that embarrassing walk a person takes after spending the night at someone’s place. This doesn’t have to mean anything happened the night before. But it does mean that you had the bad luck of being seen by other people the next day in broad daylight still in last night’s attire and make-up smudged in on your face. So I am going to spend a little time explaining how impossible it his to do the walk of shame with any grace and dignity.

Waking up at 7h00 the morning with your friends’ feet in your face.  (Just great – Please Mind the sarcasm). An old woman, like 80 years old, asks if you would like some coffee. (What the f*ck?!! – please mind the French). “Yes, please I would love coffee”.  The old woman continues to make conversation. She even offers a towel and says the shower is open. “Thank you.” Still sleepy or hungover, which ever term you prefer, you try make efforts to call the cab guy. He asks where you are. “Shnap, I have no clue!” Okay so you have no clue where you are no problem your friend can help. “Yo! Dude! Where are we?! She mumbles underneath her breathe “In front of Clicks.” No use trying to get more out of her. Now you have to ask that old lady. Shnap. “Sorry ma’am, can I ask for the address of your residence”. She continues to tell you that there is soap and shampoo in the bathroom. Sigh.  I mean your not planning on staying there any longer. You want to leave as soon as possible. “No ma’am. The address of this place!!” Eventually she understands you and you get to send the address to the cab guy.

3 hours it takes for the cab guy to find the main road. 3 HOURS!!! You spend those three hours watching Origin of the planet of the apes and cartoons. But nothing could prepare you for what’s to come. The cab guy calls and says he cannot find the exact residence and we need to walk out into the main road. NOOOOOO!!! Not the main road. We are in Seapoint the streets are filled with people at this time!  So you gather what courage you have and walk out into that main road with your little dress, heels and smudged make-up. There we are walking to the garage were the cab guy is waiting. The embarrassment is paramount.  Absolutely paramount.

Apparently I was the only one fazed by this walk of shame. My friend who is used to crashing at random peoples houses was indifferent. I honestly am not a fan of such embarrassment. There is just no grace in spending half a day in last night’s attire. Call me a chicken or a coward. But I definitely do not have the guts to try that again.

Believe what you will. Its just one of those unfortunate events that have happened.

10 ways to know….his a married man

This post is for all the single ladies who time and time again are fooled by married men into conversations or something more. I personally have not had the experience of dealing with a married man. But I have a friend who keeps running into them (as in every single weekend). So this post will be an account of her tips on how ladies can try to avoid the married men.

1.       If he drives a sedan (eg. Audi A4, Mercedes Kompressor, or any car with a visible boot).

2.       He has a protruding stomach that hangs over his freaking belt.

3.       He doesn't flinch at buying you and your friends drinks.  He waddles over “so what you girls drinking tonight”. All the girls give him their orders and he calmly responds “no problem…”

4.       He will make you feel like you’re the only girl in the world. I don’t know how to exactly explain this, but he is very skilled at convincing you that there is a possibility at a future.

5.       He shows you a picture of him and his wife and tells you it’s a picture of his “twin brother” and his wife (trust your instincts – cause I knew it didn't sound right).

6.       He outright tells you about his wife who is overseas and daughter who is starting university in 3 days.

7.       The only time you get a call from him is during weekday lunch time with his work number.

8.       When you call his phone you only get voice-mail and he only calls back sometime later.

9.       He never calls you back but when you do get a call it’s from his wife.

10.   HIS WEARING A RING ON HIS RING FINGER !! Ladies do not believe him when he says he is just wearing it for “control, so that girls don’t approach him” *LOL* (really this happened to me). That’s a definite undeniable sign his married!!!

So there you have it. This is her personal account of how to avoid the married man. You really don’t have to believe that this is true. Its just her bad luck on Long…