How to not approach a girl (Creepy ways in which guys approach girls)…

1.       The Stare.

I have no clue why guys do this but if you’re going to stare at a girl for 3 hours before approaching, best believe she has already sensed your beady eyes gawking at her ages ago. She will avoid you!!! She will avoid eye contact with you! She will avoid looking in your direction! She will even position herself in some little corner where you can’t see her. And eventually when your creepy self decides to come out of the shadows and say hello, a scene from Lord of the Rings will play in her head and the only words she will hear are “My Precious…”! She will run away and fast at that!

2.       The Grab.

Grab her arm, waist or neck and never let go! If she screams, punches you in the throat or kicks you in the gut; I repeat do not ever let go! -  I don’t think I need to explain why that move does not work, but for all those that don’t get why it won’t work… Girls will not speak to a guy who gives them the first impression of being a serial killer!

3.       The drunk.

Alcohol, the lovely liquid that gives men the guts to conquer the world… or so you think. Drunks are the worst. Every single girl in the world (if she is sober) will hate having to talk to a drunk! We just hate it! Maybe it’s the fact that you’re not making sense or that every time you say a word I am showered in spit or that you’re leaning in way too much. Whatever it is, your drunk self is unappealing. Anyone more irritating than you is your drunk wingman. You both suck! Go away!

4.       The Mute.

Well done, you have approached the girl and said hi! Now what?! Please do not stand there like a retard and repeat “you are so gorgeous” for the next ten minutes. Are those the only English words you know?! Please have something more to say than those few words or worse saying NOTHING! It’s creepy! She will walk away from the mute creep guaranteed!

5.       The Persistent.

Of all the ways to be annoying this is most probably the best.  If she has rejected you once, please gather yourself up and walk away with some kind of dignity! Do not! I repeat do not stand there looking at her like she owes you money. No, she is most probably not lying when she says “I’m not interested”, “I have a boyfriend” or “seriously, get away you creep”. She is not playing hard to get! She really isn't interested. Walk away and do it with dignity at that. Do not say snide remarks or mention that she wasn't your type anyways. You are not improving your position or gaining anything more from that. And if she grabs her best friend next to her and says they a lesbian couple, she’s not trying to fulfill one of your fantasies but at that moment she would rather lie about her sexuality than talk to you. Walk away. Walk away fast.

You really don't have to take my word for it, but i doubt this will work for any guy! Its just one of those things on Long...

The Five types of Girls you get on Long

 Since I did a post on the 3 types of men you find on Long, I decided it’s only fair I discuss the 5 types of girls I have had the pleasure of interacting with on Long.

1.       The Socialite

This girl walks into a place, and all ready, all eyes are on her. She doesn't have to be a celebrity or anything. It’s just in the way she behaves. She is usually dressed up really nice, her hair and make-up is perfect and she doesn’t look inexpensive at all. Only problem… is that if you don’t have the money to entertain this girl, don’t even bother trying to get acquainted.  She loves opulence. She adores All things expensive, from Expensive drinks (if it’s not of bottle expensive champagne or the likes do not even offer to buy her a drink), expensive food( you know those I–only-eat-sushi-duck-lobster type girls), VVIP, gifts etc… Unless you look somewhat wealthy, stay away! She usually has her nose in the air. And if you dare approach she will probably ignore you like you were just the invisible air in front of her. If you do succeed to fool her into thinking your rich, sorry to say, when she finds out your not she will be gone like yesterday is gone.

2.       The Flirt

Now this girl is a lovely person to be around. She is fun, bubbly and always up for anything. She also knows how to mingle. So she can introduce you to many people. She usually knows the bouncer, the barman and the manager of places. She speaks to anyone and anybody. There is no judgement when it comes to her. The homeless, the rich, the students and the abstract; All people are alike to her. So if you like making friends or whatever else, she is the best person to approach. She is usually moving around the place and never seated. Be it dancing or chatting with her friends, you will never find her bored at a place. She is awesome to party with because she never stops moving. One thing that might come across about her is that she’s a flirt. How else is she supposed to get free things? But nonetheless, she is harmless and a lovely person to hang out with.

3.       The “WOOOOOOHOOOOO” girls

We all know these girls. They usually party in a large group. Either it’s a 21^st, a group of 1^st years or whatever; this group of girls is MASSIVE. All it takes is for that one girl to go “woooooohoooo!!!” before they all follow in unison “wooooohoooo!!!”, and your left staring at them in annoyance. These girls are usually stupidly drunk. Drunk   to such a point that they no longer can walk or talk properly. But they are very FRIENDLY!!!! So friendly it’s quite irritating. One of them always has to make friends with you and introduce you to her best friend (usually the drunkest person there - *rolling my eyes*). But I have to b e honest, the best thing about these girls is that they will buy you drinks till you drop. Hehehe, like they say if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

4.       The Pessimist

Now understand me perfectly, if you know you have a friend that is cynical….PLEASE LEAVE HER AT HOME!!!! We don’t know why your friend is angry, but we do not appreciate being looked at like we owe her money, or like we killed her family member, or something. She usually walks into a place immediately sits down and crosses her arms. She then spends the rest of the night passing judgemental stares at people. Don’t think for a second that her contemptuous ways are just for strangers because you will be the number one target for her judgements. And unless you want to hear about what you did that night for the next year (because they never forget!!!), I suggest you take my advice and leave this girl at home. I know I do!

5.       The Cougar

Last but not least, the Cougar. This woman loves to party. She has loved partying her entire life and won’t stop anytime soon. She loves to socialize and is a really friendly person. Conversations flow easily with this person. She has been doing this for years; she knows exactly what she’s doing. One thing about this lady is that she is usually very, very old. Know I am not talking about those in their 30’s and 40’s. I’m talking about that woman that has you thinking that she is your mothers age. As if the thought of your mother at a club wasn’t enough, she really loves talking about her kids and how she needs to make sure she gets home before they wake up for school.(O_o)

Now you don’t have to accept what I have said as true. But, I have personally experienced all five of these persona's on Long Street. Yep, this is just one of those things on Long.