How to not approach a girl (Creepy ways in which guys approach girls)…

1.       The Stare.

I have no clue why guys do this but if you’re going to stare at a girl for 3 hours before approaching, best believe she has already sensed your beady eyes gawking at her ages ago. She will avoid you!!! She will avoid eye contact with you! She will avoid looking in your direction! She will even position herself in some little corner where you can’t see her. And eventually when your creepy self decides to come out of the shadows and say hello, a scene from Lord of the Rings will play in her head and the only words she will hear are “My Precious…”! She will run away and fast at that!

2.       The Grab.

Grab her arm, waist or neck and never let go! If she screams, punches you in the throat or kicks you in the gut; I repeat do not ever let go! -  I don’t think I need to explain why that move does not work, but for all those that don’t get why it won’t work… Girls will not speak to a guy who gives them the first impression of being a serial killer!

3.       The drunk.

Alcohol, the lovely liquid that gives men the guts to conquer the world… or so you think. Drunks are the worst. Every single girl in the world (if she is sober) will hate having to talk to a drunk! We just hate it! Maybe it’s the fact that you’re not making sense or that every time you say a word I am showered in spit or that you’re leaning in way too much. Whatever it is, your drunk self is unappealing. Anyone more irritating than you is your drunk wingman. You both suck! Go away!

4.       The Mute.

Well done, you have approached the girl and said hi! Now what?! Please do not stand there like a retard and repeat “you are so gorgeous” for the next ten minutes. Are those the only English words you know?! Please have something more to say than those few words or worse saying NOTHING! It’s creepy! She will walk away from the mute creep guaranteed!

5.       The Persistent.

Of all the ways to be annoying this is most probably the best.  If she has rejected you once, please gather yourself up and walk away with some kind of dignity! Do not! I repeat do not stand there looking at her like she owes you money. No, she is most probably not lying when she says “I’m not interested”, “I have a boyfriend” or “seriously, get away you creep”. She is not playing hard to get! She really isn't interested. Walk away and do it with dignity at that. Do not say snide remarks or mention that she wasn't your type anyways. You are not improving your position or gaining anything more from that. And if she grabs her best friend next to her and says they a lesbian couple, she’s not trying to fulfill one of your fantasies but at that moment she would rather lie about her sexuality than talk to you. Walk away. Walk away fast.

You really don't have to take my word for it, but i doubt this will work for any guy! Its just one of those things on Long...

The Fall Guy System…

I am going to explain a practise I have experienced that guys on Long have adopted. I named it the-fall- guy system.

Just to set the scene…It is a girls night out and we decided not to do anything hectic. So we decided to go have drinks at a very relaxed lounge. Whilst we are conversing, a guy seems to just randomly enter our conversation.  This guy is usually either really attractive or an excellent conversationalist. He is dynamic and charismatic. He buys us drinks. He seems to keep the chattering alive with interesting topics. We having fun and enjoying his presence. He gains a bit of our trust. He does not hit on us or make us feel uncomfortable. He is just having an honest conversation with us. Then one of his friends comes to tell him something. He introduces his friend to us. It would be rude not to do so. His friend greets and strikes up conversation. But hold on, his friend is a bit of a bore and not much of a looker either. You don’t mind, he must be nice like his friend. Right? But hang on, more friends seem to pop out of the air. Conversation starts to slow down. Your interest levels plummeting fast. These friends start to seem very sinister. They start hitting on us and asking for numbers. Wait….How did this happen? Hold on... Where’s the initial guy we spoke to?! HE IS GONE!!! When did he leave? Who are these men, and how did we end up here?!!

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I will explain. It is all a massive con constructed to get guys who wouldn't usually have the guts to strike up conversation to talk to girls.  The initial guy whom I call the “fall guy” is used to attract your attention. You don’t mind chatting to him because he seems really very honest with no ulterior motives. That’s exactly his job.  To approach the girls for the rest of the guys and when he has done that he simply disappears. Leaving you perplexed as to how you ended up talking to guys you wouldn't usually even look at.

Don’t believe me? Well you don’t have to. It’s happened to me a few times though. Anyways like I say it’s just one of those misfortunes I have experienced in Long Street.

The 3 Types of Guys found on Long

There are 3 types of guys I have had the pleasure of meeting in Long.

1. The Overcompensator
The first of these guys is what I call an "overcompensator". He looks self-assured  and confident from afar. From my experience he is either a looker or seems to be successful. He is usually arrogant and always right. Be prepared to be thrown into a long discussion or debate about something trivial with this man. Usually in the cases of these men, they are too good to be true! They usually are overcompensating for something (whatever flaw they seem to find in themselves). This could be anything from being rude because they short; or to spending a hell of a lot in the clubs because they actually are not rich; or he is really very fat and finds pleasure in lecturing you on how you should give everyone a chance because your parents have taught you better. You know, those guys that buy the expensive drinks with their months salary or always seem to drag you into some kind of argument? He is one guy to definitely avoid on a night out. He will have you so antagonized by the end of the night, you will wonder why you thought that day was a good day for a night out.

2. The All-Rounder
Number two is the "all-rounder". This guy is everyone's friend. He is a floater, striking up conversations with anyone who will listen. He seems to gel to all sorts of people across all boundaries. Or so it seems... From my experience if you take a good look at this guy something is just not right. The  following is just an example I mean nothing offensive by it, but: He is usually the the black guy in a group of white friends (yet again I state just an example), but hang on a second... now that you have seen this guy so many times on Long you begin to notice... he tends to speak to everyone of all ages except... black people! Yes, now that you really analyze all those times you have seen this guy around, not once have you seen him with black people. But, he is black! Baffled? Well so am I.

3. The Cant-complain Guy
You know this guy. He is the one when you always ask "How are you?" His response is always "Can't complain." Yep, he is the most content of these three guys. Why? He accepts who he is! He has absolutely no problems with himself. Bad-hair, smelly, badly dressed, unsuccessful or poor; he has no issues. He is actually very nice to spend your time with. He is always up for anything and he's a fantastic conversationalist. But you just can't shake that feeling that he is a waste of time? That's because he is a complete waste of time. How can you be completely content that you as a human being are not moving forward in life? How are you okay with no further education past High School or find it okay to start your day without a shower?! But hey, at least his still a nice guy to hang out with. You seriously don't have to marry the guy.

That concludes my list of the types of guys you find on Long Street. You really don't have to take my word for it. Like I said its just my ill-fated experience.