Festivals and such...

So lately I decided to give the nightclubs and lounges a break and go to more festivals and the likes...Cape Town seems to have been overflowing with such things in the past few months. So I thought I should share a little bit on 2 of the events I attended...

SWEDISH HOUSE MAFIA - One Last tour Concert...

I really had tons of fun at the SHM concert. Partly because I was ridiculously drunk and energized on Lovoka Caramel Vodka and Red Bull drinks; but also because of the atmosphere around us on that day at the Ostrich farm. At first I had my doubts about about the venue change, but the venue was perfect for such and event - A vast open veld with enough space for everyone to have a grand view of the stage. I dont remember the line-up exactly, but I did enjoy the sets by PASCAL & PEARCE, DJ FRESH and DEAN FUEL. Truly a once in a Lifetime event i will never forget... EPIC!!!!

CTEMF 2013 - Cape Town Electronic Festival 2013

This was a 3 day festival to celebrate Electronic music in Cape town. I being and avid lover of most forms of electronic music was super excited to attend day 3 (the Sunday) of the festival. If day 3 of the festival was anything compared to the previous 2 days it truly must have been a larger-than-life event. positioned by the V&A Waterbreak parking, it truly was a spectacular view of Table Mountain and the ocean view. I really loved the sets by DJ Lady M, Digging4Dodge, Pisce DJ, Terrance Pearce, Floyd Lavine and especially Black Coffee.

                     
With the Holi festival and Design Indaba that happened this past weekend, the Love and Light Day festival this coming weekend and the Cape Town Jazz festival coming soon, I am sure to post more on my experiences at such events...

"Make the most out of tonight and worry about it all tomorrow." - Unknown

The walk of shhhh….

I don’t have much experience when it comes to the walk of shame. But, I have had the unfortunate luck of accompanying one of my friends (she is an expert at walks of shame) on one occasion of these horrific trips. Before I even begin to rant, I should take some time to define what I mean by the walk of shame.  The walk of shame, according to me, is that embarrassing walk a person takes after spending the night at someone’s place. This doesn’t have to mean anything happened the night before. But it does mean that you had the bad luck of being seen by other people the next day in broad daylight still in last night’s attire and make-up smudged in on your face. So I am going to spend a little time explaining how impossible it his to do the walk of shame with any grace and dignity.

Waking up at 7h00 the morning with your friends’ feet in your face.  (Just great – Please Mind the sarcasm). An old woman, like 80 years old, asks if you would like some coffee. (What the f*ck?!! – please mind the French). “Yes, please I would love coffee”.  The old woman continues to make conversation. She even offers a towel and says the shower is open. “Thank you.” Still sleepy or hungover, which ever term you prefer, you try make efforts to call the cab guy. He asks where you are. “Shnap, I have no clue!” Okay so you have no clue where you are no problem your friend can help. “Yo! Dude! Where are we?! She mumbles underneath her breathe “In front of Clicks.” No use trying to get more out of her. Now you have to ask that old lady. Shnap. “Sorry ma’am, can I ask for the address of your residence”. She continues to tell you that there is soap and shampoo in the bathroom. Sigh.  I mean your not planning on staying there any longer. You want to leave as soon as possible. “No ma’am. The address of this place!!” Eventually she understands you and you get to send the address to the cab guy.

3 hours it takes for the cab guy to find the main road. 3 HOURS!!! You spend those three hours watching Origin of the planet of the apes and cartoons. But nothing could prepare you for what’s to come. The cab guy calls and says he cannot find the exact residence and we need to walk out into the main road. NOOOOOO!!! Not the main road. We are in Seapoint the streets are filled with people at this time!  So you gather what courage you have and walk out into that main road with your little dress, heels and smudged make-up. There we are walking to the garage were the cab guy is waiting. The embarrassment is paramount.  Absolutely paramount.

Apparently I was the only one fazed by this walk of shame. My friend who is used to crashing at random peoples houses was indifferent. I honestly am not a fan of such embarrassment. There is just no grace in spending half a day in last night’s attire. Call me a chicken or a coward. But I definitely do not have the guts to try that again.

Believe what you will. Its just one of those unfortunate events that have happened.

10 ways to know….his a married man

This post is for all the single ladies who time and time again are fooled by married men into conversations or something more. I personally have not had the experience of dealing with a married man. But I have a friend who keeps running into them (as in every single weekend). So this post will be an account of her tips on how ladies can try to avoid the married men.

1.       If he drives a sedan (eg. Audi A4, Mercedes Kompressor, or any car with a visible boot).

2.       He has a protruding stomach that hangs over his freaking belt.

3.       He doesn't flinch at buying you and your friends drinks.  He waddles over “so what you girls drinking tonight”. All the girls give him their orders and he calmly responds “no problem…”

4.       He will make you feel like you’re the only girl in the world. I don’t know how to exactly explain this, but he is very skilled at convincing you that there is a possibility at a future.

5.       He shows you a picture of him and his wife and tells you it’s a picture of his “twin brother” and his wife (trust your instincts – cause I knew it didn't sound right).

6.       He outright tells you about his wife who is overseas and daughter who is starting university in 3 days.

7.       The only time you get a call from him is during weekday lunch time with his work number.

8.       When you call his phone you only get voice-mail and he only calls back sometime later.

9.       He never calls you back but when you do get a call it’s from his wife.

10.   HIS WEARING A RING ON HIS RING FINGER !! Ladies do not believe him when he says he is just wearing it for “control, so that girls don’t approach him” *LOL* (really this happened to me). That’s a definite undeniable sign his married!!!

So there you have it. This is her personal account of how to avoid the married man. You really don’t have to believe that this is true. Its just her bad luck on Long…

How to become a Long Street hobo

This post is for those individuals who have always wondered how hobos on Long make their living. By the term hobo I’m referring to the homeless vagabonds that roam Long.  

Firstly, you need to learn how to speak proper English (use the correct grammar, proper pronunciation and clear articulation): this is very important if you want to shock the person you are trying to get money from. This shows them that you are not uneducated and that life has just thrown you a few raw deals. This is bound to get you some sympathy and of course some money.

But if that doesn’t work so well, learn to dance. Yes, this is a people-pleaser.  You are bound to be a hit with the few people that happened to catch you entertain. Yes indeed, this will bring in the money. Dance at every street corner, on the road or outside any club. Anywhere were people can stop to watch you. What else do you have to lose?

And if you love to entertain you could also sing with the drunkards walking by. Drunks are usually very friendly and giving. If it makes you cash then why not?

Or you could don a costume. Bright, neon colours always draw attention. I’m sure the people giving you money appreciate the extra effort.

And remember to always be of assistance. Either be it helping out some lost internationals, directing people to certain clubs or even pushing a car down Long. Being of help always brings in some extra cash.

But, if all else fails. You could just resort to showing people the sugar water you drink for foodstuff the and chase them down Long Street till they give in and throw money at you (this actually happened to me. *rolling my eyes*).

You really don’t have to believe this works. I’ve seen it work myself. It’s just one of those odd things I have seen along Long Street.

The Five types of Girls you get on Long

 Since I did a post on the 3 types of men you find on Long, I decided it’s only fair I discuss the 5 types of girls I have had the pleasure of interacting with on Long.

1.       The Socialite

This girl walks into a place, and all ready, all eyes are on her. She doesn't have to be a celebrity or anything. It’s just in the way she behaves. She is usually dressed up really nice, her hair and make-up is perfect and she doesn’t look inexpensive at all. Only problem… is that if you don’t have the money to entertain this girl, don’t even bother trying to get acquainted.  She loves opulence. She adores All things expensive, from Expensive drinks (if it’s not of bottle expensive champagne or the likes do not even offer to buy her a drink), expensive food( you know those I–only-eat-sushi-duck-lobster type girls), VVIP, gifts etc… Unless you look somewhat wealthy, stay away! She usually has her nose in the air. And if you dare approach she will probably ignore you like you were just the invisible air in front of her. If you do succeed to fool her into thinking your rich, sorry to say, when she finds out your not she will be gone like yesterday is gone.

2.       The Flirt

Now this girl is a lovely person to be around. She is fun, bubbly and always up for anything. She also knows how to mingle. So she can introduce you to many people. She usually knows the bouncer, the barman and the manager of places. She speaks to anyone and anybody. There is no judgement when it comes to her. The homeless, the rich, the students and the abstract; All people are alike to her. So if you like making friends or whatever else, she is the best person to approach. She is usually moving around the place and never seated. Be it dancing or chatting with her friends, you will never find her bored at a place. She is awesome to party with because she never stops moving. One thing that might come across about her is that she’s a flirt. How else is she supposed to get free things? But nonetheless, she is harmless and a lovely person to hang out with.

3.       The “WOOOOOOHOOOOO” girls

We all know these girls. They usually party in a large group. Either it’s a 21^st, a group of 1^st years or whatever; this group of girls is MASSIVE. All it takes is for that one girl to go “woooooohoooo!!!” before they all follow in unison “wooooohoooo!!!”, and your left staring at them in annoyance. These girls are usually stupidly drunk. Drunk   to such a point that they no longer can walk or talk properly. But they are very FRIENDLY!!!! So friendly it’s quite irritating. One of them always has to make friends with you and introduce you to her best friend (usually the drunkest person there - *rolling my eyes*). But I have to b e honest, the best thing about these girls is that they will buy you drinks till you drop. Hehehe, like they say if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

4.       The Pessimist

Now understand me perfectly, if you know you have a friend that is cynical….PLEASE LEAVE HER AT HOME!!!! We don’t know why your friend is angry, but we do not appreciate being looked at like we owe her money, or like we killed her family member, or something. She usually walks into a place immediately sits down and crosses her arms. She then spends the rest of the night passing judgemental stares at people. Don’t think for a second that her contemptuous ways are just for strangers because you will be the number one target for her judgements. And unless you want to hear about what you did that night for the next year (because they never forget!!!), I suggest you take my advice and leave this girl at home. I know I do!

5.       The Cougar

Last but not least, the Cougar. This woman loves to party. She has loved partying her entire life and won’t stop anytime soon. She loves to socialize and is a really friendly person. Conversations flow easily with this person. She has been doing this for years; she knows exactly what she’s doing. One thing about this lady is that she is usually very, very old. Know I am not talking about those in their 30’s and 40’s. I’m talking about that woman that has you thinking that she is your mothers age. As if the thought of your mother at a club wasn’t enough, she really loves talking about her kids and how she needs to make sure she gets home before they wake up for school.(O_o)

Now you don’t have to accept what I have said as true. But, I have personally experienced all five of these persona's on Long Street. Yep, this is just one of those things on Long.