1. The Stare.
I have no clue why guys do this but if you’re
going to stare at a girl for 3 hours before approaching, best believe she has already
sensed your beady eyes gawking at her ages ago. She will avoid you!!! She will
avoid eye contact with you! She will avoid looking in your direction! She will even
position herself in some little corner where you can’t see her. And eventually
when your creepy self decides to come out of the shadows and say hello, a scene
from Lord of the Rings will play in her head and the only words she will hear
are “My Precious…”! She will run away and fast at that!
2. The Grab.
Grab her arm, waist or neck and
never let go! If she screams, punches you in the throat or kicks you in the
gut; I repeat do not ever let go! - I don’t
think I need to explain why that move does not work, but for all those that don’t
get why it won’t work… Girls will not speak to a guy who gives them the first
impression of being a serial killer!
3. The drunk.
Alcohol, the lovely liquid that
gives men the guts to conquer the world… or so you think. Drunks are the worst.
Every single girl in the world (if she is sober) will hate having to talk to a
drunk! We just hate it! Maybe it’s the fact that you’re not making sense or
that every time you say a word I am showered in spit or that you’re leaning in
way too much. Whatever it is, your drunk self is unappealing. Anyone more irritating
than you is your drunk wingman. You both suck! Go away!
4. The Mute.
Well done, you have approached
the girl and said hi! Now what?! Please do not stand there like a retard and repeat
“you are so gorgeous” for the next ten minutes. Are those the only English words
you know?! Please have something more to say than those few words or worse
saying NOTHING! It’s creepy! She will walk away from the mute creep guaranteed!
5. The Persistent.
Of all the ways to be annoying
this is most probably the best. If she
has rejected you once, please gather yourself up and walk away with some kind
of dignity! Do not! I repeat do not stand there looking at her like she owes
you money. No, she is most probably not lying when she says “I’m not interested”,
“I have a boyfriend” or “seriously, get away you creep”. She is not playing
hard to get! She really isn't interested. Walk away and do it with dignity at
that. Do not say snide remarks or mention that she wasn't your type anyways. You
are not improving your position or gaining anything more from that. And if she
grabs her best friend next to her and says they a lesbian couple, she’s not
trying to fulfill one of your fantasies but at that moment she would rather lie
about her sexuality than talk to you. Walk away. Walk away fast.
