Monday 3 December 2012

How to become a Long Street hobo

This post is for those individuals who have always wondered how hobos on Long make their living. By the term hobo I’m referring to the homeless vagabonds that roam Long.  



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Firstly, you need to learn how to speak proper English (use the correct grammar, proper pronunciation and clear articulation): this is very important if you want to shock the person you are trying to get money from. This shows them that you are not uneducated and that life has just thrown you a few raw deals. This is bound to get you some sympathy and of course some money.

But if that doesn’t work so well, learn to dance. Yes, this is a people-pleaser.  You are bound to be a hit with the few people that happened to catch you entertain. Yes indeed, this will bring in the money. Dance at every street corner, on the road or outside any club. Anywhere were people can stop to watch you. What else do you have to lose?

And if you love to entertain you could also sing with the drunkards walking by. Drunks are usually very friendly and giving. If it makes you cash then why not?

Or you could don a costume. Bright, neon colours always draw attention. I’m sure the people giving you money appreciate the extra effort.

And remember to always be of assistance. Either be it helping out some lost internationals, directing people to certain clubs or even pushing a car down Long. Being of help always brings in some extra cash.

But, if all else fails. You could just resort to showing people the sugar water you drink for foodstuff the and chase them down Long Street till they give in and throw money at you (this actually happened to me. *rolling my eyes*).

You really don’t have to believe this works. I’ve seen it work myself. It’s just one of those odd things I have seen along Long Street.

Sunday 2 December 2012

The Five types of Girls you get on Long


 Since I did a post on the 3 types of men you find on Long, I decided it’s only fair I discuss the 5 types of girls I have had the pleasure of interacting with on Long.

1.       The Socialite
This girl walks into a place, and all ready, all eyes are on her. She doesn't have to be a celebrity or anything. It’s just in the way she behaves. She is usually dressed up really nice, her hair and make-up is perfect and she doesn’t look inexpensive at all. Only problem… is that if you don’t have the money to entertain this girl, don’t even bother trying to get acquainted.  She loves opulence. She adores All things expensive, from Expensive drinks (if it’s not of bottle expensive champagne or the likes do not even offer to buy her a drink), expensive food( you know those I–only-eat-sushi-duck-lobster type girls), VVIP, gifts etc… Unless you look somewhat wealthy, stay away! She usually has her nose in the air. And if you dare approach she will probably ignore you like you were just the invisible air in front of her. If you do succeed to fool her into thinking your rich, sorry to say, when she finds out your not she will be gone like yesterday is gone.

2.       The Flirt
Now this girl is a lovely person to be around. She is fun, bubbly and always up for anything. She also knows how to mingle. So she can introduce you to many people. She usually knows the bouncer, the barman and the manager of places. She speaks to anyone and anybody. There is no judgement when it comes to her. The homeless, the rich, the students and the abstract; All people are alike to her. So if you like making friends or whatever else, she is the best person to approach. She is usually moving around the place and never seated. Be it dancing or chatting with her friends, you will never find her bored at a place. She is awesome to party with because she never stops moving. One thing that might come across about her is that she’s a flirt. How else is she supposed to get free things? But nonetheless, she is harmless and a lovely person to hang out with.

3.       The “WOOOOOOHOOOOO” girls
We all know these girls. They usually party in a large group. Either it’s a 21st, a group of 1st years or whatever; this group of girls is MASSIVE. All it takes is for that one girl to go “woooooohoooo!!!” before they all follow in unison “wooooohoooo!!!”, and your left staring at them in annoyance. These girls are usually stupidly drunk. Drunk   to such a point that they no longer can walk or talk properly. But they are very FRIENDLY!!!! So friendly it’s quite irritating. One of them always has to make friends with you and introduce you to her best friend (usually the drunkest person there - *rolling my eyes*). But I have to b e honest, the best thing about these girls is that they will buy you drinks till you drop. Hehehe, like they say if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

4.       The Pessimist
Now understand me perfectly, if you know you have a friend that is cynical….PLEASE LEAVE HER AT HOME!!!! We don’t know why your friend is angry, but we do not appreciate being looked at like we owe her money, or like we killed her family member, or something. She usually walks into a place immediately sits down and crosses her arms. She then spends the rest of the night passing judgemental stares at people. Don’t think for a second that her contemptuous ways are just for strangers because you will be the number one target for her judgements. And unless you want to hear about what you did that night for the next year (because they never forget!!!), I suggest you take my advice and leave this girl at home. I know I do!

5.       The Cougar
Last but not least, the Cougar. This woman loves to party. She has loved partying her entire life and won’t stop anytime soon. She loves to socialize and is a really friendly person. Conversations flow easily with this person. She has been doing this for years; she knows exactly what she’s doing. One thing about this lady is that she is usually very, very old. Know I am not talking about those in their 30’s and 40’s. I’m talking about that woman that has you thinking that she is your mothers age. As if the thought of your mother at a club wasn’t enough, she really loves talking about her kids and how she needs to make sure she gets home before they wake up for school.(O_o)

Now you don’t have to accept what I have said as true. But, I have personally experienced all five of these persona's on Long Street. Yep, this is just one of those things on Long.